Celebrating the Holidays with a Dementia Diagnosis

By Staff Writer | December 5, 2024

Elizabeth Thompson is a Certified Dementia Practitioner (CDP), Certified Montessori Dementia Care Professional (CMDCP), Positive Approach to Care Trainer (PAC), Certified Alzheimer’s Disease and Dementia Care Trainer (CADDCT).

The holidays can be stressful and cause anxiety for just about anyone, but if you have a loved one with dementia, there are additional considerations. Let’s discuss how to make the next holiday meaningful for your person with dementia and help caretakers, family members, and friends navigate the dementia journey.

According to Elizabeth Thompson, if you have an individual living with you or are planning to bring your loved one living with dementia to your home for a holiday, it is important to get all those attending on the same page. They should understand where the person is on their journey, including their current condition and triggers, so there are no surprises. It is also important to discuss the best way to approach the individual living with dementia. “We want to set them up for success,” she commented. Introducing yourself reminds the individual who you are. “Wearing name tags is not a bad idea for holidays or family gatherings,” Thompson added. A conversation should never start with, “Do you remember me, or do you know who I am?”

When planning a holiday event that includes a loved one with dementia, remember, it’s not about you or the others anymore, it’s about the person living with dementia. “We don’t have brain failure, they do. Their brain is dying. They can’t help the changes that are happening,” Thompson continued. “We must be the ones to change and adapt to make it successful for them.”

Important considerations for a holiday event in your home:

1. Think smaller with minimum activity and limited stimulation.
2. Consider a brunch or lunch instead of a dinner. Late afternoon and evening are hard for many, especially if they suffer from sundowning.
3. Consider it may be too much for them. If they need to go home earlier than expected, make certain that is an option or someone can stay with them in a quiet room in the home.
4. Are you the one sitting with the person with dementia, keeping them occupied? Are you also in charge of the meal? If so, enlist the help of others with the meal.
5. Take all safety precautions. Does your loved one wander?
6. Make it meaningful for them. What did they enjoy doing for the holidays? Make cookies? Setting the table perfectly?
7. Plan for everything prior to the event. Make sure you have all supplies that might be needed.
8. The entire event should be designed around the individual with dementia, not how it had been done in the past. Rethink it and make it memorable for the individual.
9. Traditions are important, but is it still important to the person living with dementia or is it going to cause them too much stress?

If you have a loved one with dementia living in assisted living or a memory care community and you feel it is too much to bring them out of their living arrangement, there are things you can do in the community. Talk with community leaders. Most often there are private dining rooms and country kitchens available for private gatherings. If that is too much stimulation, Elizabeth suggests family members going to visit in small groups on different days. Small groups are important so as not to overwhelm or scare your loved one.

One family in an Arrow Memory Care Neighborhood created a new tradition during the Christmas season, caroling throughout the neighborhood. “That was a gift and a blessing for so many,” commented Thompson.

When it comes to saying goodbye to a loved one with dementia Elizabeth says to keep it short and sweet. “Say, I’ll see you later. That gives the person living with dementia hope. And hope is good for all of us,” she continues. “Do not say you’ve got to go home. That is going to be a trigger for someone living with dementia. Where are they on their timeline? Home could be where they grew up in 1944.”

Elizabeth Thompson closes with this comment, “Give yourself grace, go slow, be patient, and plan. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. There can be joy along every step of the dementia journey if we just look for those moments and opportunities.”

Read more about sundowning: Sundowning: Symptoms, Causes, Treatment, and More