Caring for someone living with dementia is a journey filled with both love and learning. Every day brings opportunities to connect, comfort, and share moments of joy — but it can also bring challenges, especially when communication becomes difficult. This blog was written to support families and caregivers by offering gentle guidance and insight into what helps (and what doesn’t) when interacting with someone living with dementia. While not intended as medical advice, it highlights ways to communicate with empathy, patience, and respect — focusing on communication and interaction strategies that promote dignity, reduce frustration, and foster meaningful engagement. In this post, we’ll look at common things not to say or do, and explore kinder, more compassionate ways to engage and understand.
1) Don’t ask them to remember
Asking a person with dementia to “remember” can unintentionally cause distress, like asking someone with COPD to “breathe correctly.” Memory loss is part of the disease, and expecting recall sets them up to feel frustrated or embarrassed. It’s like running into someone at a store whose face looks familiar but whose name you can’t place — that anxious, uncomfortable feeling is what individuals with dementia often experience when pressured to remember. This creates unnecessary anxiety and shame.
Instead of saying, “Remember your doctor’s appointment today?” caregivers can rephrase to reduce pressure, such as, “Hey, Mom, today’s your doctor’s appointment.” Removing the word “remember” helps maintain dignity, reduces stress, and supports a more positive interaction. Small language adjustments like this foster empathy and understanding, making communication clearer and more compassionate for individuals living with dementia.
2) Don’t Argue or Correct Them
When caring for individuals with dementia, it’s important to respect their reality rather than correct or argue with them, as long as no one is hurt by their belief. Correcting them can feel demeaning and create greater distress. Instead, caregivers should “go with the flow” and join the person’s reality, especially when harmless confusions occur — such as mixing memories or believing they still hold a past occupation. The goal is to support rather than challenge. However, when confusion or hallucinations cause fear or distress, caregivers should respond with empathy and validation. Acknowledging feelings with compassion — saying things like, “That sounds frightening; let me help you” — can calm the individual and reduce agitation. By validating their emotions and gently redirecting them to a safe environment, caregivers preserve both dignity and emotional well-being. This approach fosters trust, compassion, and a stronger sense of security for those living with dementia.
3) Don’t Speak to Them Like a Child
When communicating with individuals living with dementia, it’s important to remember they are adults and deserve to be spoken to with respect. Sometimes, caregivers or loved ones unintentionally use overly sweet or childlike language — calling someone “sweetie” or “honey” — thinking it’s affectionate. However, this approach can come across as demeaning and diminish their sense of self-worth. Instead, communication should be calm, respectful, and reassuring — just as one would speak to any other adult. Simple awareness and thoughtful language go a long way in creating meaningful, compassionate interactions that uphold the person’s identity and fosters trust.
4) Don’t Talk About Them as If They Aren’t There
People often make the mistake of assuming that if someone with dementia is nonverbal, they cannot hear or understand what’s being said. As a result, conversations sometimes take place over them or about them as if they aren’t present. Speaking about a person in their presence as if they aren’t there is rude in any situation, and since we can’t know what someone living with dementia is processing or understanding, it’s crucial to treat them with the same respect we would offer anyone else. As caregivers, it’s our responsibility to protect their dignity by including them in conversations, addressing them directly, and assuming they hear and understand more than they can express. Inclusion and respect in communication affirms their humanity.
5) Don’t Overwhelm Them with Choices
It’s important to give people living with dementia choices because they still deserve to have a say in their daily lives. Even small decisions — like choosing between a red or blue shirt — can help them feel empowered and maintain a sense of independence. However, too many options can quickly become overwhelming, leading to frustration or even sensory overload.
The key is to keep choices simple and appropriate to the stage of the disease. In the earlier stages, offering up to four options may be manageable, but as dementia progresses, it’s best to narrow it down to two. These choices can involve everyday routines — such as deciding between tea or soda, choosing when to shower, or selecting what to wear. Providing these moments of choice fosters dignity, confidence, and a continued sense of control.
6) Don’t Ask Open-Ended or Complex Questions
We want to set our friends living with dementia up for success. Sometimes, asking open-ended questions can be too much for them to process. For example, asking, “What do you want to do today?” or “What do you want to eat today?” may feel overwhelming. Instead, narrowing it down makes decision-making easier and sets them up for success. Try offering two simple options, such as, “Would you like to go to the park or to the mall?”
It’s also important to keep questions short and straightforward. In the mid-stages of dementia, a person may process only one out of every four words they hear. It’s not they can’t hear — it’s their brain has difficulty processing language. The more words we use, the harder it becomes for them to understand. Keeping communication simple and direct helps them feel confident, supported, and successful.
7) Don’t Rush or Pressure Them
When communicating with someone living with dementia, it’s important to be comfortable with silence. Their brain often needs extra time to process information, so rushing can cause confusion or agitation. Allowing pauses gives them space to respond and preserves their sense of dignity. Gentle hints or cues may help, but patience is key — avoid finishing their sentences or moving on too quickly. This same principle applies to daily care activities such as bathing, dressing, or toileting, where a slower pace is often needed. Taking your time and allowing them to move or respond at their own speed reduces stress and helps maintain trust. Silence, patience, and understanding are powerful tools in supporting meaningful communication and respectful care.
8) Don’t Use Negative or Harsh Language
When communicating with someone living with dementia, tone and word choice matter deeply. A calm, positive tone fosters comfort and trust, while harsh or negative language can create confusion or distress. Individuals with dementia are often vulnerable, even in familiar environments that may no longer feel familiar to them. Caregivers should avoid using negative words — especially “no,” which can sound dismissive or scolding. Instead, reframe communication to be gentle and encouraging. For example, rather than saying “No, don’t do that,” try “Let’s go over here for a bit,” or “Would you like a cup of coffee?” Such phrasing maintains dignity and promotes cooperation without confrontation. The goal is to communicate with respect and understanding — never to belittle or demean. By keeping language positive and tone reassuring, caregivers create interactions rooted in compassion and support rather than correction or control.
9) Don’t Ignore Their Emotions
People living with dementia are still human beings who deserve compassion and understanding. Their emotions are real, even if they don’t always make sense to others. Just like anyone else, they need their feelings validated, not dismissed. When someone is visibly upset, the best response isn’t to correct them but to acknowledge their emotions with empathy — saying things like, “I’m so sorry you’re upset,” or “You’re really mad, I understand.” Dementia can make emotions unpredictable, with periods of sadness or anger that seem to arise without reason, but each feeling is genuine to that person’s reality. Caregivers should validate the emotion, remaining patient, calm, and supportive. If someone believes they’ve lost a loved one, for instance, it’s important to respond to their grief, not challenge their perception, honoring the emotion as real and deeply felt.
10) Don’t Force Them to Remember
If a person with dementia doesn’t recognize a loved one or remember an event, insisting on it can create distress and confusion. It’s more meaningful to focus on emotions rather than facts, allowing the interaction to be positive and comforting. In memory care settings, families often try to prompt recognition — repeating their names or urging eye contact — but this approach can unintentionally cause frustration or anxiety for the individual. People with dementia may not remember, and that’s okay. The issue often arises when loved ones take it personally, assuming their importance should override the effects of the disease. Instead of pushing for memory, families should prioritize connection through shared feelings, warmth, and presence. Redirecting the moment toward comfort and joy helps both the resident and visitor experience a genuine, meaningful interaction, rather than one rooted in disappointment or misunderstanding.
People living with dementia are human beings with emotions, rights, and value. While their brains may work differently, they still deserve compassion, patience, and respect. At Arrow Senior Living, the focus remains on joy, connection, and dignity — celebrating each person for who they are in the moment. With kindness, laughter, and understanding, every interaction becomes an opportunity to honor individuality and create meaningful moments. After all, if you’ve met one person with dementia, you’ve met one person with dementia.
