Written by: Charlie Johnson
In this 5-part series, Charlie shares his experience with his mother and her journey with Alzheimer’s.
Once your loved one is completely settled into their memory care community, that feeling of guilt and wondering if you did the right thing will diminish. You will see how well they function in their surroundings and in their all-important routine. You may even see an improvement in both their physical and mental condition. As their previous caregiver, you may also wonder how you ever did what you did for so long. Now is the time to prepare yourself for what is coming; their disease will progress. You may not have time on your side, but you do have the concept of time working in your favor.
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Mother had been a resident in the memory care community for several years. I thought of her multiple times a day, but seeing her daily was just not feasible. I was still farming, and we were 12 miles apart. I did quick stops when I had to go to town for parts and always made it a point to see her on the weekends. Somewhere along the line I realized Mom had no idea when the last time I had been in was. At that point, the pressure valve was released, and I was able to live my own life without worrying that she was worrying why I had not been to see her.
On one of my visits, I met my sister at the front door of the community. She was coming out, I was going in. After a short visit I continued to Mother’s room, and I asked her if she had seen my sister. She said she had not.
Alzheimer’s Disease causes psychological changes in the brain. The mother I knew was a sweet kind lady that seldom said a negative word about anyone. An occasional “damnit” might have escaped if something went wrong in the kitchen, if she did not think anyone could hear. Well, she must have met up with a sailor at some point in her life because she started using language and saying words that I did not even know she knew. She may have even taught me a couple.
Her inappropriate behavior also showed itself through anger and aggression toward another resident. A certain resident was prone to wandering continuously, both in the halls and into the resident’s rooms. One day while I was visiting, she made the mistake of coming into mom’s room. Before I knew what was going on, mother jumped up, grabbed her by the shoulders, spun her around, and shoved her out the door. I guess mom had had enough.
I watched the demons do their dirty work to my mother’s brain and followed her through all the dreaded phases. The worst thing about Alzheimer’s and other dementias is we must lose our loved one twice, first to the disease, then again when they pass. Love your angels but prepare for the demons.
